To: [insert your partner's name]
From: [insert your name]
Today is Valentine’s Day. A special occasion for spending time with the person we love/like/are stuck with/picked up last week [delete as appropriate] – and showing them how special they are to us.
I’d love to take you to a nice restaurant this evening; or a trip to the cinema. Heck, I wish I could light up the sky with fireworks spelling out your name – so you could appreciate how much you truly mean to me.
But sadly I can’t. You see, there’s another love of my life. One that has meant everything to me for many years now – and who I’m pretty sure will always be there for me (unless we get relegated to the Blue Square League, perhaps). Yes, that’s right; tonight I’m having a romantic evening with my beloved Bradford City Football Club. Happy Valentine’s Day.
I promise that it won’t be a night of red hot passion – have you felt how cold it is outside at the moment? I’ll be wearing five or six layers at least tonight. The only flesh on display will be the legs of our players. But they’re an ugly bunch down at Valley Parade this season, so there’ll be no clothing removed from either of us, I can assure you.
I know that I spend too much time with them already. Although be fair, I did gallantly forgo visiting them a week last Saturday so I could go around the shops with you instead. What do you mean you read in paper that the Crawley game was postponed? Erm, that’s news to me dear, honest.
Before you remind me again, yes, I’m fully aware that this other love keeps breaking my heart – and it’s always up to you to pick up the pieces when I come back to you feeling miserable. The number of times you put your arm around me and say that it’s not the end of the world, that the league table isn’t as bad as it looks, and that everything will be okay once David Syers is back.
You put up with a lot from me and my other love. And I know that Valentine’s Day should be my opportunity to make up for it and to put you first…but don’t blame me, I don’t draw up the fixture list.
You knew what you were getting into when you married me/agreed to go out without me/hooked up with me last week [delete as appropriate]. Love me, put up with the fact I love my football club. You think I wouldn’t rather be with you tonight? But what, if by not going, I miss something special from City? Given such moments have come along so infrequently recently, I don’t want to risk missing out.
I’m sure you understand.
If we’re still together next year, I promise that I’ll deliver you a better Valentine’s Day than this one. I’ve already looked it up, and February 14th is on a Thursday in 2013. Don’t worry…they never schedule Thursday night matches.